August 28, 2013 Subject:
Having read the references to "Guardiana," I thought it was a joke: viewers poking fun at the hypervigilant adults that typically populated films like this. Until the Lindsay Wagneresque crossing guard drives into the desert and starts communicating telepathically with a flying saucer! It's certainly a novel way to keep the audience interested in what would otherwise be another boring safety film, however considering the leering announcer's emphasis on Karen's youth and beauty, I'm surprised she wasn't kitted up in a "space bikini" along with her little handheld stop sign. Truly a towering cult classic among safety films. Highest rating.
July 9, 2012 Subject:
I like how in the opening minute, the voice-over guy makes it a point to tell us that the crossing guard lady is "attractive". Not sure what that has to do with anything, but later on, her sunglasses prove to be anything but attractive.
October 20, 2009 Subject:
that was way too good
" being out side is dangerous , you might want to stay inside and take drugs"
October 23, 2007 Subject:
This one was weird
I'm giving it five stars because of how weird it is. The alien voice and sounds got my dog's attention when he heard it. I think that narrator has the hots for the crossing guard... listen for it early on.
October 10, 2004 Subject:
Guardiana II: The Wrath of Outdoors
Guardiana, the Safety Woman of the ABBA/Disco outfit and the vaguely obscene hand gestures, is back in yet another adventure, saving young children from their stupid mistakes. First, she saves two kids from drowning after one of them falls in the water when apparently the force of his hat falling off throws him in the water, and his friend jumps in to save him. Then, she saves a bratty little girl from getting hit by a car (and getting a lecture on motorbike safety).
When the two boys are walking to the boat, why does one of them wave his hat in front of him? Are there noxious gasses around?
Best line: "Thank you, Guardiana. You saved my life" delivered in the flattest monotone I've ever heard.
I don't know why, but the opening credits, with their stills from the film and piano music, remind me of the opening credits from "Bonnie and Clyde."
June 21, 2004 Subject:
The "Very Special Woman" returns!
After spending more than 1/4 of the movie rehashing of who Guardiana is, (and it's a good rehash!) we find out how she is saving little kids this time.. outdoors! She luckily saves some kids from drowning, some kid from falling off a rock cliff and some kid getting plowed over by a car. Of course, again Guardiana is super camp, and amazes us all in the cheapness of it. One can almost see a whole pile of gay camp in all of this, as after all, she is one 'special woman'.... ARE THERE MORE OF THESE?? A MUST SEE on this site!!!
While driving near Springfield, school crossing guard Karen is visited by a flying saucer and given the Ring of Three Torches which, in a single disco move, tranforms into a plastic party tray ... I mean "safety shield" and puts her in a silver jumpsuit. With powers of transportation and time reversal, Guardiana, Safety Woman, prepares children for the future. Pure 70's mixture of preachiness and "groovy" marketing to kids. So bad it is excellent.
June 21, 2003 Subject:
Karen runs into some e.t.s but rather than getting probed is turned into the laimest super hero ever. Love the shades and the "I just turned into a superhero" disco move gets me everytime. Doesn't get any better.